things you never hear a texan say....

Pulled this off an old email i found in my archived files. it made me giggle.


The Top 40 things you would never hear a Texan say----ever----no matter
>how much they've had to drink no matter how far from Texas they've
>wandered:
>
>
>> > > 40. Oh, I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
>
>> > > 39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
>
>> > > 38. Duct tape won't fix that.
>
>> > > 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
>
>> > > 36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
>
>> > > 35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
>
>> > > 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
>
>> > > 33. You can't feed that to the dog.
>
>> > > 32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
>
>> > > 31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
>
>> > > 30. Wrasslin's fake.
>
>> > > 29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
>
>> > > 28. We're vegetarians.
>
>> > > 27. Do you think my gut is too big?
>
>> > > 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
>
>> > > 25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
>
>> > > 24. Who's Richard Petty?
>
>> > > 23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
>
>> > > 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
>
>> > > 21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
>
>> > > 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
>
>> > > 19. Trim the fat off the steak.
>
>> > > 18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
>
>> > > 17. The tires on that truck are too big.
>
>> > > 16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
>
>> > > 15. I've got it all on the C drive.
>
>> > > 14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
>
>> > > 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
>
>> > > 12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
>
>> > > 11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
>
>> > > 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
>
>> > > 9. Checkmate.
>
>> > > 8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
>
>> > > 7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
>
>> > > 6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
>
>> > > 5. I don't have a favorite college team.
>
>> > > 4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
>
>> > > 3. I believe you cooked those green beans to long.
>
>> > > 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darlin'.
>
>> > >
>
>> > > And the number one thing is
>
>> > >
>
>> > > 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.